in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
