Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
