omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
