i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
A+ Viking dick
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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