thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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