I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
