i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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