You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm passing your future prison.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
