umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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