Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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