my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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