I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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