i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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