this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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