I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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