don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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