i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
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The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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