I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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