I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
oh god the rape fog is back!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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