Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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