Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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