I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
