i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
