I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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