Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
