I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
