so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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