I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
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Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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