Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
