Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
