Swine flu. Run for my life!
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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