I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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