Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
