shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
