Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
