i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He shit in the fireplace
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