I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
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