I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
