I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
