Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
