Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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