theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
This is my gift to your gina
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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