I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
