You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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