I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
operation have a gay friend backfired
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Drunk is a universal language darling
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