As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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