yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
