I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize