Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
