We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
