You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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