Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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