Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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