So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
