I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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