the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
