There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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