Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
