Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
