I love black thongs
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So many bounce houses so little time
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
