I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
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woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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