My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
