why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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