i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
