Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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