Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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