No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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