Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
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I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
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ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize