we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
