Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
